For this 3-week series, please discuss the following questions separately (guys with guys and girls with girls). It’s ideal to meet in a different location for these weeks. However, if that’s not possible, please discuss the questions in separate areas at your house or apartment.
The Questions We’re All Asking: Love, Sex, & Relationships
Warm-up: Who was your childhood crush?
On Sunday we discussed a key point: The way we go about our romantic relationships is central to our relationship with God.
In your single, dating, or married life, how has this played out? Has your romantic life been reflective of your relationship with God, or have you kept the two separate?
3 ways we hope this series will impact you:
- Freedom for those consumed by unhealthy patterns, broken relationships, guilt and shame.
- Hope for those who have given up on love because they don’t know if it exists, or because they have been hurt too many times.
- Health for those seeking to live a Jesus-centered life by modeling his kind of love in their dating & marriage relationships.
Out of these three things (Freedom, Hope, Health) which one are you hoping to attain most? If you feel comfortable, share a little bit about where you’re at currently in terms of your romantic life.
We have discovered 4 non-negotiables that must be present in every relationship…things you can’t compromise on, things you don’t settle for less in, things that you MUST have in order for it to be the kind of relationship that God wants to bless.
1. Chemistry: You’re a good fit, mix well, & compliment each other.
- Physical attraction
- Connect on the deeper things
- You enjoy a similar kind of humor
2. Character: who they really are when you aren’t looking.
- How that person treats strangers (generosity, kindness, compassion)
- How that person treats those closest to them
- Positive attitude
- Work ethic
3. Confidence: How you’ve seen their character play out over time.
- A follow-through person; they do what they say
- A person you can be open and vulnerable with
- A person you feel safe and protected around
4. Clarity: A clear sense of where it’s going.
- Family and friends approve
- God has given you a sense of peace
- You’re not in a constant state of confusion or worry
- Your future together excites you; it isn’t filled with a list of “what ifs”
When talking about the “who” when it comes to relationships, we are really talking about two people: 1) The person you are looking for, and 2) You.
It is essential to know that who we are becoming is just as important as who we are looking for.
Why is it important that we have the same standard for who we are looking for and who we are becoming?
Who you’re looking for: Of these four non-negotiables, which has been a strong suit for you when it comes to your relationships? Which one has been lacking?
Who you’re becoming: Of these four non-negotiables, which area are you personally doing the best in, and which one needs the most attention?
The last “C” isn’t on the list because we believe it overrides everything else. There is no greater bond in a relationship than the bond of CHRIST. Marry someone who loves God more than they love you, and you will never regret it.
Think of it. When you marry someone who has the Holy Spirit living inside him/her and you have the same Spirit living inside you…guess what you share together? The SAME Spirit. The Spirit of God will unify your lives, help clarify your mission together, and impact people that come into contact with your relationship.
Living it Out:
1. If you’re single: What would it look like for you to spend less time hunting more time becoming? Make a list of 5 specific ways Jesus loved others. Put that list in spot where you can see and reflect on it for 5 minutes each day this week before you go to work or school.
2. If you’re in a relationship: Go back to the 4 Cs. Make a list of the specific ways your relationship has each “C” present. If there are some questions or concerns about areas that you feel are not present in your relationship, do two things: 1) talk to God about it and see what He says 2) Talk lovingly, openly, and honestly about it with your significant other.
The final thing: Don’t settle for less than God’s best!
- Short-term gain = Long-term pain.
- Short-term pain = long-term gain.